Today has been a day of emotional overflow! I went in for my 20 weeks anatomy scan. It was an in depth ultrasound to see if Piper was growing like she should be, as well as to get a good look at all of her organs. I have been a ball of nerves the last few days. But praise God Piper Jones is absolutely perfect!
Look at her little head! It looks like she is kissing my belly!
The doctor was pleased with what she saw. She weighs about 13 oz at this point. All of her organs look great. We got to see the 4 chambers of her heart, the blood flow, and her strong heart beat. She is positively still a girl! There was one point where she had her little fist balled up and was waving it around. I said she must be getting ready to punch big brother Eli.
God I cant tell you how reliving this visit was. I’m once again so ashamed of myself for not having that child like faith in you that I know I should have. You have never left me!
I prayed so hard last night, I looked up tons of scripture about fear. Fear is a liar! I felt you reminding me that you have this little girl in your hands. And regardless of the outcome you will be there to catch me if I fall. You always have and always will. My faith knows that, yet my flesh forgets from time to time.
God I thank you for all the people you have put into my life along the way. Those that pray for me and listen to me vent when I’m feeling some type of way. I know without a doubt that you have something big planned for this little baby.
I pray that you help me through you to learn to be an optimist and see life’s circumstances with a glass-half-full perspective. I pray for pure Joy from here on out. It is a lasting sense of gladness and grace regardless of my current circumstances. I want to live out this fruit of the spirit. Teach me to have Joy, for feelings follow my thoughts.
I praise you Father God for the goodness you have shown me and my family today! I love you so so much!
Tuesday Piper and I had an OB appointment. I dont know why, but for some reason I was extra anxious about it. I dont know if it’s because the week before I thought I might have felt her move a few times, and then I didn’t feel anything the rest if the week. I find myself getting so caught up in posts and things I see on Facebook. As you know this is Pregnancy Loss Awareness month and there have been many visual triggers going around. I cant help but to stop and read each and every story. It hurts my heart and spirit to see these terrible accounts of the worst days of these peoples lives. I tend to put myself in each scenario and the emotions I’d imagine myself having if these events occurred for me. I obsessively look for signs of missed misscarrage and of baby dying in the womb. I know to others around me that it makes no sense. It makes none to me either. I just cant help myself. I think of those families that have lost so much and even though I really do believe that God has me and Piper in his hands, didnt he have these families as well? What makes me so different than the lady who’s baby lived until the day before it was due to be born? Or the lady who has lost multiple babies, and I don’t mean to early miscarriage, but to more than one still births. I couldn’t survive just one, much less multiples. Please dont think that I’m questioning God. I’m simply thinking to myself, what makes me so special? After all, I’m just as human as these other women.
Ok, enough of that sadness. I dont want anyone to think that I’m doubting Gods Faithfulness. At this point I’ve discovered that that is nearly impossible. I have so many good and wonderful, God fearing prayer warriors in my life that have me and Piper covered. They remind me DAILY that this is real and its part if His plan. That he loves us and would not bring us to this without a good reason. I pray I can really really embrace that thought whether things end in a good way or a bad way this time around.
Back to our appointment. I talked to my doctor about my terrible headaches. He said I need to make sure I’m good and hydrated everyday, to keep an eye on my blood pressure. (It was slightly elevated that day.) That I needed to learn to listen to my body more and take a break when I’m feeling overwhelmed. He also mentioned that this is just part of the new normal for me and pregnancy for a woman my age. I absolutely love my doctor. He is quick and to the point and dosen’t take 25 forevers for an appointment. I got to hear her heartbeat on the doppler and it was still good and strong. That was so reassuring. I’m on the look out for one that I can have at home. I think I’d be more at ease if I could hear her, even though it’s too early to feel her just yet. I have been through this before but that was many years ago and honestly I was so miserable with Eli that I dont remember what week I first felt him. And plus I’m a little thicker than I was when I got pregnant with him.
I’ve finally started collecting a few things!
All in all it’s been a good week. I’ve got the makings of a head cold and cough, but was able to find some meds I could safely take to help.
We will go back on Nov. 19th for an anatomy scan ultrasound. I’m excited and I want to see if both my boys can come with me to see how well she has grown.
I will close by saying Thank God its Friday and tomorrow is going to be a rainy snuggly day! Be blessed!
My brother sent this outfit today. What am I going to do with it?
Today I am 14+3! This week I have been off for Fall Break. I got a few things done around the house. The most important one was cleaning out the closet in my bedroom. I have finally decided that the time was right to collect a few items that my friends have had put up for me. I didn’t want to have any possession of anything baby related bc well…..you know…anxiety will do that to you. But, it’s been a good productive week! I got that done and we went through some of the little girl clothes. I still have a ton to sort. I am not an organized person by nature, but I’m going to try my best to be better at that this time around.
I’ve been pinning like crazy on my Piper Pinterest board. So have my two best friends since we have a collaborated bored. I’m just going to go with a general pink/grey theme.
We are going to make her a Baby Nook in the corner of our room for awhile.
T.j. has been so involved this time around. When we were going through clothes the other day he came across a baby bikini and swore Piper would never wear anything like that. Lol
All in all I’m feeling great! Trying to get that gallon of water in each day. Let me tell you that is so tough! Even as hot as it’s been here. I saw my primary doctor on Monday and she said that dehydration could be the cause of my daily headaches. I’m trying, but I’m taking it one day at a time.
I go back to my ob next Tuesday. I need to look at my paperwork and find out what to expect at that appointment.
I hope everyone has a great rest of the week!
I pray strongly for Baby Piper. That you will sustain her life to your perfect will, timing, and ways. I pray that you continue to keep me healthy during this pregnancy and that you continue to give me peace when my anxiety and fears randomly pop up. I’m so thankful for this baby and I love you!
This morning when I woke up I was reminded how blessed I am. Yesterday I was officially 13 weeks pregnant. This was the time that everything fell apart for me the first time. The first time my life was touched by real heart ache and depression. I honestly don’t know how my marriage lasted through that dark time. But by Gods grace it did.
This time around I’m older, dare I say wiser. I’m healthier, and most importantly God has me surrounded by people that really and truly love and care for me. People that remind me on days that I’m not feeling well, or I have a scare, or I’m sitting in the er bc I’ve been cramping and spotting and my flesh just knows it’s about to happen again, those people lift me up and remind me that GOD HAS THIS! Tears are running down my face as I’m writing this, (sorry boys!) But, they are not sad hormonal tears, they are tears of Thanksgiving and joy. Tears that remind me of Gods grace.
I dont deserve these people, MY people. I surely dont feel like I deserve this little miracle growing in my womb. But that’s the thing, Gods Grace is undeserving! I will deliver a happy healthy baby girl! I’m claiming it in the name of Jesus! Please claim it with me!!
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13
Baby Jones update! We have a healthy baby! Growing right on track! We got blood work done to check for any abnormalities. Which dont even matter because it’s going to be loved beyond measure regardless! We will also know within the next 2 weeks if we will have a boy or a girl! Keep those prayers coming! #LilBear🐻
I’d just like to set the record straight for myself. I know I’ve come off as ungrateful these past few weeks. Since learning of this pregnancy I’ve had a hard time accepting the congrats that comes along with it. I know so many people that would love to be in the position that I’m in. They would do anything for the chance to bring new life in this world. It’s hard for me to explain my feelings. I know without a doubt that I want this child. I know that even though it wasnt my plan, that the plan God has for me is so much greater. I guess my biggest debate is that I never wanted to face pregnancy loss again. I never wanted to have the fear that something isn’t right, or that I cant get excited about it bc of the possible future. I know in my heart that I cant live my life in fear. I know that God is in control of my future and all my dreams. It’s my mind that needs convincing.
I haven’t felt sick this whole time, other than feeling tired. And instead of just living my best life, I’m worried that the baby isn’t growing bc of my lack of symptoms.
I know to those around me it makes no sense.
I know that I’ve had a month to let this all settle in. And it really has! I’ve had three ultrasounds and each one has been perfect with a good strong heart beat.
I just want my friends out there that want a baby so bad that you can taste, just know that I’m not being ungrateful.
I never ever saw myself mothering another little human. The first one God gave me was is so perfectly amazing and healthy that I feel selfish longing for another one. I may have said this before, but it’s so ironic how I didnt even know i wanted another baby. But God did, and he gave me my hearts hidden desire. Forgive me if I’ve upset anyone with my negativity along the way. I’m still getting use to this idea. I know I’ll be fine and I’m trusting this baby will be just as perfect as Eli. I trusting that our Father will allow the remander of this pregnancy to be uneventful and healthy. I’m trusting that this one will be my husbands dream come true. The little girl he has wanted forever. Until I feel the writing bug again.