I’d just like to set the record straight for myself. I know I’ve come off as ungrateful these past few weeks. Since learning of this pregnancy I’ve had a hard time accepting the congrats that comes along with it. I know so many people that would love to be in the position that I’m in. They would do anything for the chance to bring new life in this world. It’s hard for me to explain my feelings. I know without a doubt that I want this child. I know that even though it wasnt my plan, that the plan God has for me is so much greater. I guess my biggest debate is that I never wanted to face pregnancy loss again. I never wanted to have the fear that something isn’t right, or that I cant get excited about it bc of the possible future. I know in my heart that I cant live my life in fear. I know that God is in control of my future and all my dreams. It’s my mind that needs convincing.
I haven’t felt sick this whole time, other than feeling tired. And instead of just living my best life, I’m worried that the baby isn’t growing bc of my lack of symptoms.
I know to those around me it makes no sense.
I know that I’ve had a month to let this all settle in. And it really has! I’ve had three ultrasounds and each one has been perfect with a good strong heart beat.
I just want my friends out there that want a baby so bad that you can taste, just know that I’m not being ungrateful.
I never ever saw myself mothering another little human. The first one God gave me was is so perfectly amazing and healthy that I feel selfish longing for another one. I may have said this before, but it’s so ironic how I didnt even know i wanted another baby. But God did, and he gave me my hearts hidden desire. Forgive me if I’ve upset anyone with my negativity along the way. I’m still getting use to this idea. I know I’ll be fine and I’m trusting this baby will be just as perfect as Eli. I trusting that our Father will allow the remander of this pregnancy to be uneventful and healthy. I’m trusting that this one will be my husbands dream come true. The little girl he has wanted forever. Until I feel the writing bug again.